


Two assassins walk into a bar

by briefoptimisticspaceaffair



Category: Mr. and Mrs. Smith (2005), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mr. & Mrs. Smith Fusion, Angst and Porn, Gay Sex, M/M, Mr & Mrs Smith AU, Rough Sex, Star Wars References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23704528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briefoptimisticspaceaffair/pseuds/briefoptimisticspaceaffair
Summary: Hitman Anakin Skywalker meets his future husband on holiday.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

Anakin was downing tequila shots whilst listening to Columbian police at the hotel door announce a wide search for tourists travelling alone. This was going to be a sticky situation. Anakin heard the police stop a man and question him, they wanted to know if he was travelling alone. Anakin turned in his seat and what’d you know, he recognised the guy. They had been on the same flight. He was travelling alone. The man replied to the police. “No I’m not alone” and he looked directly at Anakin. 

Anakin raised his sunglasses and went to greet the fellow tourist pretending he knew him. It worked. Smart plan, not that it was Anakin's. 

He sided eyed the other man as the two leaned against a hotel room door. The man smiled at Anakin, his blue eyes crinkling Anakin and offered him his hand “I’m Ben,” Anakin took Ben’s hand and smiled back “Anakin”.

They ended up in the hotel garden drinking what seemed to be the only offered beverage. Tequila. Ben was handsome. He had gorgeous red hair and a matching beard that Anakin wanted to feel and a pair of sparkling blue eyes. As the sun sank Ben seemed to get drunker and drunker until he stood up amongst the few other dancing guests and beckoned Anakin onto the dance floor.

Anakin may be a little bit smitten. Ben held Anakin close and proceeded to do the dirtiest dance moves Anakin had ever been a part of. Okay Anakin might just be in love. Anakin found himself with a lapful of Ben kissing in the rain.

Obi-Wan woke up in a hotel bed. Anakin passed out beside him. He was beautiful, Anakin had these golden curls that just drew Obi-Wan’s eyes. And a cute little smile, and was fantastically flexible. Obi-Wan decided to go get breakfast.

Anakin woke up and felt like death. Oh God tequila. Ben. Ben was missing, just as Anakin was beginning to feel a slight hurt the door opened and Ben appeared with breakfast. Coffee.  
Ben smiled “hi” Anakin grabbed a cup of coffee trying not to look dead “hi”.

Obi-Wan studied Anakin. He was clearly not handling the tequila aftermath very well, although the coffee seemed to perk him up. Obi-Wan decided that yes, Anakin was a harmless American tourist, and also that Obi-Wan really wanted to get back into bed with him.

Thankfully Anakin seemed to agree, he approached Obi-Wan coyly, much recovered thanks to the coffee. The curtains swayed around Anakin and Obi-Wan felt something flutter in his chest. Anakin tucked a flower that had come with breakfast behind his ear. And oh yep. Obi-Wan was completly gone for this man. Obi-Wan brought Anakin closer and kissed him deeply. They ended up back in bed.

Anakin took a flight back to New York with Ben or Obi-Wan as his passport said. Obi-Wan had blushed and explained his parents had an odd taste. Anakin could see Obi-Wan’s embarrassment and immediately wanted to hunt down and kill every kid that had ever made fun of Obi-Wan’s name. Anakin kissed Obi-Wan’s cheek surprising him. “I think it suits you, Obi-Wan”.

Anakin took Obi-Wan on a date to a flea market downtown. Anakin was maybe a little bit in love with Obi-Wan. They had ended up at one of those silly pot-luck stalls. Obi-Wan laughed and fumbeld the toy gun. 

Anakin wanted to win Obi-Wan something, but he was conscious of his high skill coming off as odd. Anakin hit a few and deliberately missed the majority, he shrugged. “Hey do we still get to win something?” Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes “I want to try again”. Obi-Wan said and then proceeded to follow the exact range Anakin had just shot, however Obi-Wan hit every single pot. Anakin was so turned on. 

Obi-Wan walked away with a massive teddy bear claiming beginners luck at a stunned Anakin who followed after Obi-Wan like a lost puppy.

Two-Three Weeks Later  
Anakin boxed with his trainer whilst he told Ventress about Obi-Wan. “Don’t you think this is going rather fast Skywalker”. Ventress deadpanned faking disentress. Anakin grinned dodging a punch “I’m in love!” he yelled back.

Obi-Wan pulled himself a little further up the rock face and called out to Cody telling him some more about how cute Anakin is. “What do you mean you asked him to marry you!?” Cody shouted back he was a little further down then Obi-Wan and clearly wanted to be higher up to have this conversation. “Anakin does this thing Cody where he smiles and looks all bashful and-”  
“Oh my God! Kenobiii!!”

Five or Six Years Later

Anakin stood at the end of the garden path with his coffee. It was too early god. Anakin picked up the newspaper and smiled fakely back at his neighbour across the way as he too got his newspaper. Annoying snobby socialites. Obi-Wan made breakfast. It didn't involve any heavy necking on the kitchen counter. Anakin couldn’t remember the last time they did that.

They washed and cleaned their teeth, which didn’t involve any heavy necking either. They got dressed, no one tried to delay the process with any heavy necking and oh god they’d become boring. Anakin quickly took his shirt off as Obi-Wan carried on the menial conversation. Anakin cocked his head and angled his torso aiming for a provocative look. Obi-Wan didn't notice and turned on the news. Oh god Anakin had become boring. “Dinners at seven”  
“I’ll be there”.

Anakin was irritated. How dare Obi-Wan find him boring. Anakin felling grumpy, he bought the most ugly set of curtains he could find. Anakin wanted to have sex dammit Obi-Wan!


	2. On the job

Obi-Wan was distracted. There was something odd going on with Anakin and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It had started a week ago when Obi-Wan was away in New York on a business trip. At least that is what he had told Anakin. Obi-Wan was actually in Connecticut wrapping up a deal with the gang named the Rebels. 

Obi-Wan had not expected to see his husband enter a hotel wearing a long black coat and leather boots. So Obi-Wan had followed Anakin into the hotel and watched his husband enter a set of rooms. 

Obi-Wan knew a dangerous italian drug lord was staying in those rooms. Obi-wan didn’t know what to think. Was Anakin on drugs? Or was he having an affair. As Obi-Wan panicked he heard a thump from inside the rooms. 

His husband was in there. Obi-Wan easily kicked the door in, with a gun raised ready to shoot only to find a very dead drug lord and an open window. 

Stepping over the dead drug lord Obi-Wan carefully leaned against the wall tilting his head to look out the window so no one could see him. He scanned the evening crowd looking for a black coat. And sure enough Anakin was just at the edge of the road hailing a cab. 

One week later Obi-Wan had secretly tested his husband’s blood for any traces of illegal drugs. Anakin was totally clean. Obi-Wan’s the last option also didn’t seem likely because after a week of no sex and barely any kissing, it was quite clear that Anakin wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. He was so sexually frustrated Anakin was practically climbing the walls.  


The last option was so much worse. Anakin was an assassin. If Obi-Wan’s husband was actually an assassin, and Obi-Wan a highly respected killer, had missed it for six whole years of marriage. It proved Obi-Wan was a bad assassin and an even worse husband.

Shaking his troubled thoughts from his head Obi-Wan focused on his job. His target would be approaching in two minutes.


	3. Work

Anakin was pissed. His husband was ignoring him, and Anakin hadn’t had sex for a whole week, he was practically a monk! Frustrated and therefore not currently at his best Anakin hadn’t noticed the sniper to his right. The car bumped jerking badly as Anakin angrily drove into the Californian desert and right over a line of spikes laid out on the dirt road. Ventress speaking in his ear giving him the coordinates to his target. 

Obi-Wan watched the car drive down the dust road, and over the spikes Mace Windu had said were in place. The windows were tinted so he couldn’t see the driver. The number plate didn’t match the west coast pimp that Obi-Wan was meant to take out. Obi-Wan ignored Mace Windu’s voice in his ear telling him to shoot. 

Anakin suddenly noticed the sniper in his rear view mirror. Shit, he was not on his game today. Anakin frowned at the screen showing the coordinates for where the west coast pimp was meant to be. There was no one. Anakin glanced again in his mirror at the sniper, he had been set up. 

Obi-Wan cursed, it was a set up. He wasn’t sure how but another assassin had been hired to do the same job, a job that didn’t exist. Expertly packing his equipment up Obi-Wan hung up on Mace Windu and dialled Cody. 

Then the other assassin stepped out of the car. “Fuck” Obi-Wan cursed instantly recognising his husband’s messy curls. Then Anakin tossed a grenade at the building Obi-Wan was hiding in. 

Irritated at how shit his day was going, Anakin lobbed a grenade at the sniper before getting back into his car and intending to drive off, ignoring Ventress telling him to check the sniper was dead. His car didn’t start. Anakin got out to see what was wrong, finally noticing the spikes in his car wheels. And then the car exploded. 

Obi-Wan watched the remainder of the building collapse from a safe distance away. He had to admit, his husband was good. 

Obi-Wan tuned back into his ear piece, interrupting Cody’s frantic shouts asking if Obi-Wan was okay. “Target eliminated,” Obi-Wan said to his friend before he threw the earpiece away. Obi-Wan needed to find out who was trying to kill his husband.


	4. Anakin finds out

“Who was that Jackass!?” Anakin shouted bargaining into the Sith headquarters. “Have you run the cameras?” Anakin demanded, claiming a chair before he noticed the especially solemn look in Dooku’s face. “What?” Anakin asked warily taking the offered screen. Obi-Wan’s face stared back at Anakin “what the fuck” Anakin said. Why did Dooku have a photo of his husband- why was Obi-Wan holding a gun? 

“I’m sorry Anakin,” Ventress said grimly “but it appears your husband tried to kill you today”. Anakin stilled in disbelief and wanted to close his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the footage of Obi-Wan in the building Anakin had just blown up. Anakin felt a horrible fear, had he killed Obi-Wan in the explosion?

“It seems he survived the explosion-” Ventress continued as the screen changed to a small video of Obi-Wan getting into a car and driving out of sight. Anakin released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Obi-Wan was alive.

“-Upon examination of your car, it appears you drove over several spikes-”. Anakin already guessed that Obi-Wan must have put them down. Anakin had almost died today. A cold feeling seeped into Anakin, Obi-Wan had tried to kill Anakin.

Ignoring the rest of Ventress’ speech on how much Anakin’s husband wanted him dead. Anakin thought over the past week and Obi-Wan brushing him off whenever Anakin had tried to initiate intimacy. The cold feeling grew in Anakin’s chest and he wanted to throw up. Anakin was ashamed of the tears that filled his eyes in front of his colleagues. 

Wiping at his face angrily, Anakin got up, “I need to go home” he said and left.

Obi-Wan arrived home first. Anakin had indeed been climbing the walls judging from the new curtains in the dining room. Obi-Wan went into the kitchen and began to get his weapons out, he had several large boxes of guns and ammo hidden under the floorboards. 

Anakin drove silently up the driveway and into the garage, Obi-Wan’s car was already parked. He checked his watch, ten minutes to seven. Anakin quietly got out of his car checking that he hadn’t been seen from the house. And then Anakin started to take the flooring apart revealing his stash of weapons. 

Obi-Wan finished strategically placing guns around the lower half of the house. He needed to be ready in case anyone of the people who had set them up attacked their home. His mobile rang, it was Anakin.

“Hi honey, dinner’s at seven right?” Anakin said falsely cheerful.


	5. Dinner

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said instantly alert he pushed the curtain at the window to one side seeing his husband leaving the garage with a duffel bag over one shoulder. 

Anakin saw Obi-Wan looking out from the landing window. Filled with rage, Anakin shot at the window aiming over Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

Obi-Wan ducked as the window shattered, a bullet hit the wall behind him “Anakin!” he cried. 

Anakin ran into the house instantly seeing the open gun boxes in the kitchen. So Obi-Wan was trying to kill him! Pissed off, Anakin got out a bigger gun and shot at the ceiling roughly where Obi-Wan should be standing. 

Obi-Wan heard a cry of rage before the floor board a little to his left was splintering due to the gunfire aimed from the hallway downstairs. Obi-Wan cursed, Anakin had probably seen the gun boxes in the kitchen. 

“I’m not trying to kill you!” Obi-Wan yelled attempting to reason with his furious husband.

“Well that’s not what it seems like!” Anakin shouted back, shooting more accurately to where his husband's voice was coming from. 

Obi-Wan dodged the bullet headed straight for his head swearing colourfully only to have to dodge more gunfire and retreat further into the house. 

“Anakin be reasonable!” Obi-Wan shouted ducking behind the dishwasher. Anakin stopped shooting because he’d run out of bullets and ignored Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan would have to try a different approach, using the reflection of the oven. Obi-Wan saw Anakin reloading the dining room set. Taking a kitchen knife, Obi-Wan threw it aiming for the chair next to Anakin. 

Unfortunately Anakin raised his head changing the angle and the knife cut his cheek before embedding in the chair. “Fuck” Obi-Wan said.

Anakin’s face twisted and he started shooting again. Furiously screaming nonsensically and not really aiming due to the tears blurring his vision.


	6. Tango

Anakin ran out of bullets again, not giving him any time to reload Obi-wan jumped over the kitchen divider kicking Anakin’s duffell of weapons into the living room. Anakin threw his empty gun at Obi-Wan and then lunged at him. 

Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin’s wrist as he dodged the punch thrown pulling his husband close. Anakin used the momentum to jump on Obi-Wan wrapping his legs around Obi-Wan’s middle pushing him to the floor with a grunt.  
Anakin scrambled over Obi-Wan’s head, reaching for his duffel bag. Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin’s legs pulling him back. Anakin kneed Obi-Wan in the face wriggiling away. 

They both scrambled to their feet, fist raised and started a very complicated battle of limbs. Anakin glanced to the side and Obi-Wan took the opportunity to push Anakin over the side of the sofa. 

Anakin twisted around as he lost his balance and grabbed Obi-Wan by his tie pulling him down as well. Anakin stared into his husband’s eyes as he lay on top of him. 

They both saw the guns at the same time and rolled away from each other snatching a gun up and whirling around, gun raised ready to shoot. 

Obi-Wan immediately lowered his gun “no!” Anakin shouted “pick your gun back up!” his hands were shaking. Obi-Wan shook his head.

“I’m not going to shoot you Anakin”

Anakin let out a broken sob, his eyes brimming with tears, Obi-Wan smacked the gun out of Anakin’s hands, and Anakin met Obi-Wan in the middle. 

They kissed wetly due to Anakin’s tears and then more fiercely biting at each other’s mouths adrenaline still pumping through their respective systems.


	7. Anakin finally has sex

Anakin looped a leg around Obi-Wan’s waist again, pulling his coat and shirt off. Obi-Wan lifted Anakin up both of his legs now around him. Still kissing, Anakin dug his nails into Obi-Wan’s bruised back ripping off Obi-Wan' shirt. Obi-Wan slammed Anakin against the dining room wall. Running his teeth over Anakin’s neck Obiwan reached up and tore the ugly curtains down. Pausing in his campaign to mouth at Obi-Wan’s beard. Anakin protested Obi-Wan’s treatment of the curtains. “Hey, they’re new”.

Obi-Wan smirked in reply “I noticed” he said before pulling Anakin’s trousers down and put a firm hand over his dick. Anakin’s breath stutterd grinding up against the pressure, he threw his head back giving Obi-Wan better access to maul at his neck. 

Anakin pushed his own hand down Obi-Wan’s trousers and they smushed their mouths together, hands moving in an offbeat rhythm. Anakin shouted his orgasm loudly, whilst Obi-Wan muffled his own into Anakin’s chest. 

There was a brief reprieve, both of them panting loudly, before Obi-Wan lifted himself off Anakin moving his head down between his legs intending to kiss at his thighs. There was a knock at the door.


	8. the neighbours

Obi-Wan muttered several curses against nosy neighbours. Anakin giggled. The knocking got louder and someone shouted something about calling the police. 

Obi-Wan opened the front door only a bit and hid his body behind the door. He beamed at the neighbours,“hi”. 

It was the couple from across the way. “Er, hi, we heard a lot of noise..” the husband said.

“And some gunfire” the wife interrupted “It was very alarming, should we call the police?” She had a mobile at the ready and was trying to see past the tiny gap in the door. Obi-Wan swallowed down the urge to shoot the woman. 

“Hi!” Anakin said opening the door further, he was positively glowing and wrapped in the ugly curtain. 

The neighbours stared at Obi-Wan’s bare chest, took in the fact that Anakin was probably very naked under the ugly curtain. “Oh! Oh, so sorry er..” the husband said. 

“Do you have some flooring problems?” the wife said looking at the holes in their ceiling. 

“We’re redecorating,” Obi-Wan said, showing his teeth. Anakin patted Obi-Wan’s chest smiling widely at the neighbours,

“It's our anniversary today so…” Anakin trailed off meaningfully and the neighbours finally got the hint. 

“Oh, yeah, right, er, sorry, um congratulations!” the husband said flustered grabbing his wife and dragging her back down the garden path. Obi-Wan waved cheerily at her and slammed the door shut.


End file.
